Red Flags in Children
Some of the psychological signs listed below can show up at other stressful times in a child’s life such as divorce, death of a family member, friend or pet, or when there are problems in school, as well as when abuse is involved. Any one sign doesn’t mean the child was abused, but several of them mean that you should begin asking questions.
Psychological red flags
| A child who clearly says, “I just don’t want to be around Uncle X anymore.” |
| Any avoidance that is confusing or of concern |
| Sudden mood or behavioral shifts, both before and after an encounter with an adult |
| Hyperactivity |
| Too much sleep, too little sleep, difficulty sleeping, nightmares, or sleep disturbances |
| Changes in eating habits (loss of appetite or trouble eating or swallowing) |
| Fear of previously likable places and people; fear of making friends; fear of situations, such as being in the dark or being alone; startled responses to loud noises or voices; possible paranoia about being watched or chased |
| Aggressive (verbal or physical) defiance, delinquent behavior, excessive risk-taking behaviors |
| New words for private body parts |
| Difficulty at bath time |
| Regression in behavior (i.e., an older child behaving like a young child by doing such things as wetting the bed or sucking a thumb) |
| Depression, withdrawal, isolation, self-mutilation, suicide attempts |
| Changes in academic performance |
| Talking about a new older friend |
| Refusing to talk about a “secret” that she or he has with an adult or older child |
| Unexplained bruises, redness, or bleeding of the child’s genitals, anus, or mouth |
| Unexplained urinary infection or sexually transmitted disease |
| Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or body aches |
| Fatigue or feeling overly tired or unmotivated |
| Heart palpitations or difficulty breathing |
| Various sexual reactions, from being overly fearful to being promiscuous |
| Unintended pregnancy at an early age |
| In younger children, constant rubbing or irritation of genitalia |
| Persistent sexual play with other children, themselves, toys, or pets |
| Displaying sexual knowledge through language or behavior (beyond what is normal for a child’s age) |
| Drug or alcohol problems |
| Self-destructive behaviors such as scarring arms with razor blades, needles, or cigarettes |
| Spacing out at odd times |
From “Creating Safe and Sacred Places” p. 30-31
Red Flags in Adults
Potential Molester Alert Signals
No one can tell by looking at someone if that person is a molester.
Most molesters:
| Look like everyone else. |
| Try to gain trust of parents. |
| Gain the trust of children. |
| Use their own children to gain access. |
| Are often in a trusted role with children. |
| Try to find jobs that involve children. |
| Sometimes use their church association to gain trust. |
| Can be very patient while they plan the abuse. |
| May begin molesting children when they are children themselves. |
That being stated, there are some warning signs that could indicate that someone is a molester. Have you ever seen someone playing with a child and felt uncomfortable with it? Maybe you thought, “I’m just over-reacting,” or, “He/She doesn’t really mean that.” Don’t ignore the behavior; learn how to ask more questions about what you have seen. The checklist below offers some warning signs.
Do you know an adult or older child who:
| Refuses to let a child set any of his or her own limits? |
| Insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child even when the child does not want this affection? |
| Is overly interested in the sexuality of a particular child or teen (e.g., talks repeatedly about the child’s developing body or interferes with normal teen dating)? |
| Manages to get time alone or insists on time alone with a child with no interruptions? |
| Spends most of his/her spare time with children and has little interest in spending time with someone their own age? |
| Regularly offers to baby-sit many different children for free or takes children on overnight outings alone? |
| Buys children expensive gifts or gives them money for no apparent reason? |
| Frequently walks in on children/teens in the bathroom? |
| Allows children or teens to consistently get away with inappropriate behavior? |
If you answered “yes” to some of these questions, talk to that person. If you are uncomfortable, but don’t see these signs, be sure to trust your instincts and ask questions.